I met one of the most batshit insane people I’ve ever met this weekend

And if you know some of the people I know, you’ll know how crazy that is. I took a defensive driving course this weekend, and I think it might have been taught by a drama teacher or something, because this dude was a little over the top. So much so that I actually have a top three countdown of craziest things he said, and I only spent eight hours with him. Now, each thing on this list either made me think, “what the Hell is he talking about?”, or made me laugh in the middle of the class. Yes, that happened way more than once, even more than these three instances here. These are just the three most memorable.

3. “All of a sudden, I heard a bang on my window! I slammed my head in to the console, concussing myself, and came back up just in time to see a bluejay doing somersaults.”

This was a story he told us about a time he was driving along and a bluejay flew in to his car window. I’m not sure he understands how concussions work, but I’m almost certain that the situation as he explained it would lead to an accident. I guess I could be wrong, but I’m not sure how that would happen without him causing some kind of damage…

2. “You drive with your window down, a little pebble comes up hits your eye, life is changed forever.”

Seriously, he was warning us that it was too dangerous to drive with your window down. I don’t think I should need to elaborate any more than that.

1. “You want to drive 80 MPH? Might as well be putting that gun up to your own head.”

One of the things covered was the increased risk associated with your speed. They said that it was doubled for every 10 miles per hour over the limit you went. Unfortunately, there was a pantomime with this one that sealed the deal. This dude literally acted like he was loading a revolver, spun the chambers, and held his hand in the shape of a gun up to his head and told us that was what driving 80 was like. I’m not making this up, he compare driving 80 to Russian roulette.

So, how was everybody else’s weekend???


About johnkermon

Just a dude pretending to be a dude, pretending to be another dude.
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