Relationship Goals

Despite the title, this blog is probably not what you think it’s about.

A lot of people that know me would say my outlook or attitude about life has probably changed in the last year or so. I wouldn’t necessarily say that’s true, but I think I’m just a little more outspoken about how I view/feel about things now. I would say the one thing that I started to do to make me be that way is analyzing my relationships with the people in my life.

Analyzing our lives is one of the hardest things to do, but I would put analyzing our relationships up there near the top as well. I think most people, myself included, will always try and make excuses for the way some people are or treat us because they did something good for us at some point. This can be one of the biggest mistakes we make, in my opinion. A lot of us talk about how we’ll cut out people in their lives that we feel are holding us back, but that’s easier said than done, especially when it comes to not wanting to hurt the other people’s feelings.

Now we have all different kinds of relationships too, so this isn’t just about the romantic kind. I had to seriously take a step back and identify the people in my life that were helping me professionally, and who might be holding me back some. This goes beyond people just showing me new techniques or things to use, but also who around me was I felt being overly critical or negative. It turns out there were quite a few. There were a lot of people that could only tell me what I was doing wrong. They could only tell me what I needed to work on. If you don’t ever get positive feedback, how will you know what’s working? I don’t like making a big deal out of things like this, but I started communicating about things less with them and I think I’ve only improved since then.

Of course this also includes friendships. I’ve had to ask myself many times if the people I hung out with on a regular basis were the type of people I wanted to be associated with. This one is obviously the hardest. How do you tell a friend that you need to do something that is completely different from what you normally do when you hang out? I’ve found that the true friends will understand, and still make time to hang out even if it’s not as often, or in some cases even join you on the journey. Given what I do now, I would say this is the one that I have the most experience with, but that still doesn’t make it any easier. That being said, I still prefer to surround myself with the people who are going to push me towards my goals on a regular basis(which could be anybody willing to have a similar lifestyle).

All this being said, there are some people that I communicate with that really only hit me up if they need something. It’s not always money or a favor either, but some times it’s advice or something for peace of mind. They don’t ever ask how I’m doing, or if they do it’s obvious they’re only asking because we’ve been chatting for a while and only about them, which can feel kind of crappy. But I always think that I might be the only person that they have to talk to about whatever they’re going through, so I don’t cut them off, I just don’t fill them in on what’s really going on with me. Like I said, it can feel crappy, but the good news is you don’t hear from them that often lol.

So, what’s the point? Just a reminder to try to surround yourself with the people who push you to better yourself. There are so many distractions and things people worry themselves with that don’t really matter, make sure you identify the people that do the right things for you. I really shrank my circle of friends recently, but I’m also a lot happier for it. Just goes to show that it’s about quality, not quantity.


About johnkermon

Just a dude pretending to be a dude, pretending to be another dude.
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