Let’s Stop Empowering Cowards

I never thought I’d write a blog based off a new social media website starting up, but here we are. I’m sure most people have heard of Sarahah by now, but in case you haven’t I’ll sum it up real quick. It’s a social media tool where people can anonymously leave other people messages. First of all, I’m pretty sure that’s what Twitter mostly already is. Secondly, why in the world would anybody want to do this?

I already know people will say, “it’s all in good fun”. This is the most ass backwards thing ever. I will assume people who say this have never been on the internet before. Now don’t get me wrong, I’ve seen people who have had nice things said about them on this thing, but you know they’re not posting all of the negative messages they get. Even if they are, of course accompanied by some snarky remark about how they don’t care about what the person has to say, it doesn’t accomplish anything. This person already doesn’t have to courage to say these things to you, so if you think they’re sitting there at their keyboard crying in anguish at your comeback, you’re only fooling yourself. A lot of people will take any chance they can to knock your confidence/self esteem, and all this is doing is giving them another chance at that.

A lot of people already give too much headspace and concern to what others think/say about them. I know I’ve said this before, but if somebody isn’t going to be there for you at the end of the day, then what they think is irrelevant. I know for one that I used to let social media distract me in my day to day life. I would let something somebody may have said to or about me online ruin my day. It sounds silly, but it happens. One of the biggest things that helped me get over that was actually deleting my social media pages for about a month or so. I came to realize how little the things happened on there mattered. It doesn’t matter if people give me likes, encouraging comments, hate, or have bad things to say about me. I still have to wake up and go to work to get to where I want to be myself every day, so it really doesn’t matter at all to me if people want to support me or not. I plan on making it regardless of who has my back.

So nah, don’t think I’ll be signing up for Sarahah

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I use this blog for a few different reasons. I think mostly to vent, and give my perspective on certain situations. Today it’s going to be about what I perceive to be my problems with relating to people.

I already know some people will say that sounds weird for me, that I’m a nice guy who people seem to have no problem getting along with. While that may be true, that doesn’t mean I can relate to or have a lot in common with them. I often find myself being solo in social situations, depending on who is around at the time. Thankfully I don’t have anxiety about this kind of thing. That being said, I have sat back and really thought about why that happens.

The most obvious thing here would be how much you have in common with people. That’s where a lot of the disconnect comes for me, I think. I want a lot of the same things out of life as most people, I just want to go about it a different way than they do. And while I’m working towards that, a lot of people can only see where you’re currently at and think that’s where you’ll end up. People that have never talked to you about your goals or how you plan on achieving them, but they somehow know whether or not you’ll be successful. These people are assholes, to be blunt. They’re the same type that will put others down, then ask why people aren’t supporting them. These are the type of people you should disassociate yourself from. Staying around people that would rather put you down than lift you up will only make sure that you stay down.

It’s  not just about having things in common though, qualities can also make it hard to relate to people. I honestly haven’t met many people who have the same drive and passion for what they do that I have. I could probably count them up on just my hands. It’s actually somewhat irritating to me. I always hear people talk about how they want the best for themselves in every aspect of life, but then constantly have excuses or decide to settle for something they really don’t want. I could never be like that. A lot of people seem to want to take the easy road these days, or give up once they hit a rough patch, but that’s not going to lead to a rewarding life. Everybody has some type of hardship to deal with, but it seems less people are willing to push through or be patient enough to make it out better on the other side. The only thing I know from talking with others who have done this in their own life is that it’s the quickest way to getting a life you regret. Obviously I only speak for myself, but people ask me why I do what I do instead of trying to find something “more stable”. I’m not going to have a life that I regretted or wondered what could have been.

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Formerly My Own Worst Critic

I used to think that we should always be hardest on ourselves when it came to things. I would always take things other people said in to consideration, but at the end of the day I always broke myself down the most and was the hardest on myself for things. It took me a while to realize that’s actually a quick way to become your own worst enemy.

Before I really get in to this, I’ll say that the only fighter that I really watch is myself. I still look for things I can improve on in my fights, training sessions, and workouts. I need to identify these things myself so that I can formulate a plan to improve on them. This is more about criticizing myself and making myself feel bad about those things. I know that I’m not the only one who has done this, and there are people I know who most likely do it themselves. I think it’s hard not to break yourself down that way. When you’re constantly hearing how things should be done from outside sources, it tends to shape the way you think. When I think about when I used to do this, I know I never thought what I did was good enough. Even if I went and performed well, I would never be satisfied. That’s not a good frame of mind to be in. While I know I can still improve on everything I also need to give credit where it’s due, and be sure not to pile on myself when things went well.

Once I realized I was stuck in this thought pattern, I committed myself to changing it. While I still watch myself, and identify the things I still need to work on, I also make note of the things I do well and should continue to do. I think a lot of the time our thought process ends up doing us in at the end. We get too stuck on whether or not we’ll be good enough that we fail to realize that maybe we already are. That’s the biggest thing I think I’ve taken away from most of my recent self analysis. When it comes to what I do, my opinion of myself is what matters the most. So why should it be anything but positive? I can say that things have only gotten better for me personally since I became more worried about my own opinion of myself than what literally anybody else thinks about me. I’ll let everybody else worry about everybody else, and just keep worrying about improving myself.

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Credit? We Don’t Need That

No, I’m not talking about the credit you use to get things like housing and cars, but rather the credit from others I see more and more people chasing. Don’t get me wrong, it’s nice to hear nice things about ourselves from other people, but it seems like it’s almost becoming an addiction of sorts for some. I’ve had people get pissed off at me for some of the dumbest things imaginable lately, and a lot of it has centered around their need for me to acknowledge them in some way.

As usual, I blame Facebook for a lot of this haha. Ever know somebody get mad because somebody didn’t like their post but shared it? How ridiculous is that??? Are you five years old? This is something I see people complain about online, and it makes me think peoples’ perspectives are so out wack now. Nobody I know is getting paid from Facebook shares, but I still see them complain like they are. It’s unbelievably petty to me. There are so many other things to worry about, I often wonder how these people even get through their day to day.

The other big thing I’ve noticed people getting upset over is getting credit for other peoples’ success. I hate this more than anything. Unless you helped the person accomplish what they set out to in the moment, then you don’t deserve that much credit. This is a thing in both wrestling and MMA. I always hear people say, “I showed them that”. Yeah, well, they still had to go in there and do it themselves without you and just because you may show somebody something doesn’t mean you’re responsible for their success. It’s actually extremely insulting to that person to claim as much. I think this mostly happens when people get jealous over the attention someone is getting for something they did, which makes this even sadder in my opinion. If you can’t be happy for other peoples’ success, then you shouldn’t be around them.

If you’re helping someone only to get something out of it later, you’re not really helping them. I feel like more people are only doing things in the hopes of getting that ever important shout out these days. As someone who has had people say things like, “hey man, I showed you how to do that”, after doing something, it’s really shitty. I know everybody likes to get their credit and shout outs, but don’t care about it so much that you alienate the people you’re “helping”. I’ve gotten to the point that I don’t need that at all. A personal thank you is more than enough to me, and I think means more as well. I’ll never take credit for someone else’s work, and I think it’s something more people should make an effort to do.

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A Continuation of Sorts

I thought that with this blog I would expand a little bit on what I wrote about last time. I ended my last blog saying a lot of people had asked me about changes I had made in life, so I figured I should expand on that some. There are a lot of smaller things that I changed, but I figured today I would touch on the main ones.

I did touch on one of the things last week, but the biggest one was looking at myself and my own actions. Everybody has their own standards, and definition of what they think makes somebody a good person, or makes something “right”. I feel like a lot of us have forgotten that though. I see people judging other people for something they’ve done, when I know the person saying something has done something similar. It’s really funny and kind of shocking when this happens, but I have seen it happen more and more lately. Everybody is so quick to rush to a judgement based on what their perception, without asking for any further context or the person’s situation. It’s disappointing to me, because nobody wants to be treated like that, but people have no problem doing just that seemingly just to get their friends to agree with them. I’ve also seen a lot of people who talk about how they’re going to live their life on social media, but then they do the exact opposite, and normally blame it on some outside factor. I see people all the time say they’re going to do something, then if somebody brings it up later it’s always, “well, it didn’t happen because of xyz”. And I don’t mean that as in every once in a while. I see people post stuff then make up the excuses later DAILY. It’s crazy to me to try and be like that, as I see it only as a way to disappoint yourself.

Another major turning point was about a year ago, I started to more closely examine my relationships with people. I had reached a frustrating point for myself, and it honestly felt like a lot of people had left me high and dry. I understand that everybody has their own life and their own things going on, but I was confused because I had voiced these concerns with some people who said they would be there for me and they pretty much just told me to get over it. This is where most people would say they “cut them off”, or disassociated with those people, but that wasn’t really an option for me. Some of these people I saw or spoke to every day. I just decided that if they weren’t going to be bothered by what I had going on that I wouldn’t tell them anything I had going on. I also realized that I didn’t need their approval for anything, which was a huge relief too.

I would say the biggest thing though was realizing that nothing anybody could say or do could affect me, unless I gave them the power to do it. I think too many of us are looking for approval from the wrong people. I don’t care what you do or accomplish, if you can’t break away from people who never make you feel good enough, you’re weak AF. I’ve had coaches tell me straight to my face that they think I wouldn’t perform well, but I don’t do this for them. What I do is for whoever is going to be there for me in the tougher, more private times, which right now is nobody. But that’s fine to me for now, because it means I don’t have to worry about anybody else giving me a hard time about what I want or trying to make me feel bad because I don’t live up to their standards.

If you really pay attention to what people do more than they say, you’ll probably notice that most people are hypocrites. You’ll be much better served not to worry about all of them and to just focus on yourself.

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Oh, I’m Still Alive???

Best fight I ever had was in Delaware in January of 2015. I lost that night, but it’s probably the most heart and determination I’ve shown in a fight. I got knocked down and took a massive amount of damage in the middle of the first round, but came back and started dominating over the next two rounds. I got dropped again at the end of the third round, and the ref stopped the fight for my safety. Obviously I knew I had been involved in a crazy fight that night, but what I didn’t know was that the real fight was about to take place over the next two years.

This next part I’ve only ever talked about with one person, a coach and friend of mine. He’s the only one I felt I could have talked to about what was going on without trying to tell me what he thought I should do, and I really just needed someone to talk to about it at the time. I’m not one to self diagnose, as doctors spend a lot of time learning how to do that I haven’t spent one second on learning about it, but I would say I probably suffered some form of PTSD, based off the symptoms I looked up like every other person does. It was a little weird to me because the symptoms I started having didn’t really pop up until months after that fight. I would also say it’s not scary so much as just weird to think about what that was like. I woke up a lot of days kind of not knowing who I really was. I would go through periods of time that lasted weeks where I literally thought I was going to die every day. Not that I would harm myself, but just that I was going stop existing at any moment. That of course led to a lot of moments of depression, but I just remember that really being the predominant thought in my mind at the time which probably led to that too. It’s hard to be happy and motivated when you think that’s going to happen every day. I spent most of my time wondering what was even the point of continuing to push on, as in why keep trying to push for my goals when I can just settle on getting by. That’s really the only concerning thought that stuck out to me, because I’ve never been that way. I was always the positive thinker out of all the people I knew, but whatever was going on inside my head was making me have the opposite mindset at the time. I’m just glad that I got past that and remembered who I was before that all happened.

I think most people would look back on that time and think it was crazy, or scary. I wouldn’t say I’m glad it happened, but it did make me sit back and analyze a lot of different aspects of my life. It made me look at my own actions and ask if I was holding myself up to my own standards. I think the biggest thing I took away from it is that life is really all about choice. I used to think that what happens in life shapes who we are, but it’s about what we choose. I could let the bad things that have happened shape me in a negative way, but I’d rather be the person I was before anything bad happened to me. I could hold things against people for the rest of the time we’re here, but I’d rather remember the good times I’ve spent with them. I also realize that I had a part to play in things that happened just as much as they did. People don’t generally just do things for the sake of doing them, and when I look at the situation from the outside I can see how my actions have led to the good and bad situations in my life. I used to worry about having everybody love me, rather than worry about the right people loving me. I used to think other peoples’ opinions mattered when it came to my personal life, but the only ones that do are the people who will be there for me when I’m old and withered. I used to want everybody to cheer me on and have my back, but now I only want the people that want to be there to do that and really see me accomplish my goals. A lot of people these days are quick to jump on a bandwagon when things are going good, but few people will be there to lift you up when you really need it. A lot of people might be happy about my success, but does it really matter if they weren’t there for the struggle? Those are the people that I want around me. And that leads to the biggest choice of them all, if I’m unhappy with a situation it’s totally up to me to change it. I get to choose what I get to do with my life. I get to choose who I want to be with. I get to choose who the friends I surround myself with. After spending two years dreading every day, I refuse to choose anything but the best for myself.

I’ve had a lot of people notice the changes I’ve made, and ask me about what has made me make them recently. This blog is the best way I can think of to sum it up. Not really something that I could explain to people, I think lol.

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Sorry 4 The Wait

So, if you follow my social media at all, then you probably already know that I had a pretty big weekend. I got promoted to purple belt and won my MMA fight on Saturday. I’ll try to address both of those things, although I’ll probably spend more time talking about the fight.

One question I was asked on Saturday night was which one meant more to me, winning my fight or being promoted. I didn’t even have to think about it, I already knew the answer the second my friend asked, one wouldn’t have meant as much without the other. Being promoted in jiu jitsu is a sign of years of dedication and hard work. It’s not something people take lightly at all, especially at my gym. That being said, the whole reason I started training was to compete in MMA, not be the best jiu jitsu guy at my gym. I could see some people thinking that’s disrespectful, but believe me, it’s not. My goals are just different than most people’s. Getting my purple belt was great, but I told myself the second I got off the mat that I couldn’t be satisfied with just that, I still had a job to do.

So, now on to the fight. It honestly went great for me. It’s in my opinion the best I’ve ever handled myself. I was the aggressor the whole time and even when I had a takedown reversed, one in to a deep choke in the first round, I remained composed and showed that I had better skills overall. I figured out what he was attempting in the stand up pretty quickly, and was able to chop his leg with some nice leg kicks in the second round. He was able to reverse another slam in the third, but wasn’t able to do anything, so we got stood back up where I slammed him one last time, sealing the sure victory for myself. I would say the best compliment I got afterwards was that it was the most complete overall fight that people had seen out of me.

So what’s next? Gonna figure that out with my coaches, but we’re just moving on to the next one like we always do. My work ethic is crazy to some people, but it’s not to me. There are a lot of people in my life that have been or are still going through things way tougher than any cage fight. One of my best friends from the gym who is going through his own health issues right now made the effort and willed himself to come out to watch me, so how could I not show up and give my best performance yet? Those people and their struggles are what push me to push myself harder than ever before. I’m blessed to be able to live the lifestyle I do, and I think it would be an injustice to myself and those people for me not to show up and give my best every single day.

This was my performance we’ve all been waiting on, so sorry for the wait, but we here now and far from stopping. Better late than never.

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