Since I have a fight coming up this weekend, I figured the easiest thing to write about this week would be that. Keep that in account as you read this. I haven’t had over 500 mg of sodium a day since Thursday, under 100 since Sunday, so my mind is kind of all over the place. Just bear with me.
One of the most common questions you hear when fighting is “Why?” As in, why do this to yourself? Why put yourself through all of this for? This is an easy question to answer, but not one that most can understand. For me, it’s mostly to learn about myself. I’ve probably learned way more about myself during the couple years of fighting than I ever did in the previous 30 years before that.
One of those things is how different I am from most people. There aren’t a lot of people out there willing to dedicate their lives to something in that way that I am. You can’t just do a few week fight camp every couple of months and expect to compete with people at a higher level. I’ve dedicated most of my life to this, not even just in the hopes of reaching the highest level, but understanding what it takes to get there. Most people I know are fine with just getting by at their jobs, in the hopes that they’ll move up in their profession just from showing up every day. I don’t really get that mindset. I can’t relate to people that don’t want to be the best at their job. Even when I’ve had jobs I hated, I still worked hard at them because that’s just how you get ahead in life.
Fighting has also helped me outside of the gym. I spend a decent amount of time breaking down my own performances in competition and practice, and that’s led to me doing the same thing outside of it. It seems like that’s a lost quality in this day and age. People are always so quick to judge others when they screw something up. Any time I see this, I end up asking myself, “Have I done something people could see as being equally stupid?” The answer is pretty much always yes lol. So who am I to judge anybody on anything. I’ve done my fair share of dumb things. I’ve done things that have hurt people I care about. But rather than blame the actions of others for those things, I started to look at how what I did led to some of those situations. It’s easy to play the blame card, but you’d be surprised what happens when you start to accept some of that blame yourself.
Now, is fighting easy? Hell nah, but it’s easier than living a life wondering what could have been. My path isn’t for everybody. That’s made apparent by the people in my life. I can’t be around weak people any more. I can’t be around people that want others to do the work for them, or just want to do things for the attention. I need people that will be ready to step up and meet challenges in life head on. I need people that want the best for themselves and those around them. So if we don’t talk or hang any more, don’t take it personally. I’m just doing what’s best for me.
I see people classify this day and age as a “time of ignorance”, where people are choosing to remain ignorant to a lot of the problems going on in the world. While I do agree with that, I would say it’s more from being delusional. I think too many people are wrapped up in their own little worlds or what they think is important to realize when other things matter to other people. That to me is delusional more than anything else.
There’s other ways that I think people show they really don’t know their place in the world. Given the timing of this blog, there’s been a lot of people talking about the NBA Finals. A lot of talk about who the best player is, who is the weakest guy for joining what team, who “deserves” certain accolades. The problem is that nobody but the person giving the opinion cares about it. You’re not part of some voting committee for it. You have no say in who deserves what. The only people who truly deserve anything are the ones who go out and perform and win! You don’t get to get any credit for what somebody else does. That’s a big thing in both wrestling and fighting. People love trying to take credit for other peoples’ success. I’ve heard people say someone won a fight because of a technique they showed them. That’s 100% wrong. That person won because they showed up and performed. People in wrestling try to take credit for other peoples’ success if they trained them. That’s also 100% wrong. I’ve trained a few people that went on to have greater success than me, but that’s solely due to their hard work. I might have shown them a few things, or taught some important lessons, but I didn’t go out and do the job for them. They did that.
I think a lot of this has to do with the whole culture of people needing everybody to agree with them now a days. I’ve seen people go on all day online about particular subjects, just refusing to understand someone else’s point of view. While there are some things in life that are purely fact based, there are plenty of subjective things as well. There’s really no reason to be fighting people online in regards to entertainment or things of that nature. They’re there for people to enjoy, and if you don’t enjoy, then you don’t consume it. I will still see people say something is crappy or dumb though, as if they can’t help themselves. If I see something online that doesn’t entertain me, I just leave it alone. I certainly don’t insult the person that liked it for liking it. Everybody like something that someone will think is dumb. I think drinking is dumb, but there are tons of people that obviously enjoy it more than me. I don’t think they’re dumb for it, and I certainly don’t care if people drink or post about drinking. It’s not like they’re making me do it, and I feel like that’s what most people forget. Everything out there doesn’t relate to you personally, and if it doesn’t maybe keep your opinion to yourself.
I know I’ve been guilty of some of these in the past. I can think of times when people might have told me about something and I’ve thought it was dumb or not worth my time. That’s honestly rude as shit, but I also think I used to be an asshole lol. I can also say that really coming to this realization helped me out as far as relating to other people. I know I’ve had times where it doesn’t feel like anybody else cares about what I have going on, so I know how bad that feels, and I can’t really be like that with other people any more. Everybody has their own lives and their own things they care about, myself included, so who are any of us to tell someone what they’re putting their effort in to is dumb? I think that’s what’s really delusional.
This is going to be a more wrestling/training centric blog, but that’s what I do. Just like any other job, there are a mix of varying personalities in both of my ventures. There’s one particular type that drives me crazy in both. I can’t stand it when people think their way of doing things is the only way. The reasons for each are different, but both pretty simple if you have common sense, in my opinion.
The reason that you don’t want to do this in combat training is that everybody is literally physically different. That means that no two people are going to move the same. Even knowing this, I see coaches try to make fighters do something or move in a way that isn’t comfortable to them. People need to move in a way that feels good, and is conducive to their fight style. I see coaches mind f*** their fighters by yelling at them for not doing things in a certain fashion. The fighter almost always then starts to shut down, and not react in any kind of positive manner. I know personally I’ve always done well by being told what I’m doing well, and how to improve on those things. I think it’s hard for most people to get out of a negative mindset/situation when all they hear about are the negative things.
Wrestling is a little different. There’s really no way to mechanically deviate from the right way to do things, but has more so to do with the style of wrestling. So many wrestlers think their style is the best, to the point that they put down people that do different styles than them. This is so ridiculous to me, and if you do that then you don’t get the wrestling business at all. Wrestling is supposed to provide a variety of acts, so that there’s something for everybody. It’s not like anybody is asking you to change what you do, so why hate on something you don’t do? Add in the fact that you should be able to wrestle anybody of any style if you’re actually any good, and doing this is the biggest waste of time if you ask me.
I think a lot of this just comes down to ego. People are so caught up in being “right” about something, even when it comes down to things that will always be gray area. Some things will never have a definitive answer, so maybe try accepting that and helping lift people up instead. Otherwise people will probably just end up trashing the way you do things.
When I say living in reality is a choice, that applies to more than the obviously delusional people that we all see out there. Some times living in reality is about more than just “knowing what’s going on in the world”. Some people are stuck only in their own reality, where they think they get to apply the rules to life, but nobody gets to do that. Just because YOU think something should be done a certain way doesn’t mean that’s the way it will be. I still see people thinking that’s the case though, and I think it’s because we’ve lost all sense of trying to understand every side of a situation and only care about getting our way. I think that is what’s turned us in to a society of spoiled brats.
How do I know that this is the case? I used to be someone who only lived in his own reality. Most of the time it’s when you play the victim card too much. I used to think things didn’t happen for me because of everything other than my own actions. I used to have preloaded excuses for any shortcomings in my life. So, what brought about the change? I looked at things from the outside. I thought about times when I would teach somebody something, and when they gave me an excuse for not being able to do something I would think, “you’re just giving me excuses”, and would demand more from them. Then I started doing the same for myself. Coming up short in things is hard, but it’s going to happen. It’s not the failure that matters, it’s how we respond to and correct it.
Now this doesn’t just apply to peoples’ professional lives. I see people hold ideals based on fictional things all the time. I’m about to show my age, but when I was growing up people tended to look up to athletes as being heroic. I see a lot of younger people now a days looking up to fictional characters as being that way. Why is that weird to me? Because they’re made up. Personally I get more inspiration from things that happened in real life, not just a made up character. People looking up to Superman or Captain America are looking at impossible ideals. No human being is perfect. The same thing goes for relationships. Disney movie fairy tales don’t exist, it’s why you only see them happen in movies. You might meet someone that you have a lot of things in common with, but that doesn’t mean everything is supposed to be perfect all the time. People have flaws and make mistakes. So I think it really comes down not just to accepting that that will happen, but also wanting to help each other grow and improve from those things. It’s easy to get frustrated and give up on someone, but the people that really care will stick by you through thick and thin.
We all know somebody who loves talking about what they’re going to do in life. They can’t stop talking about “their next big move”, or some huge event they have coming on the horizon every time they see you. I’ve noticed a common thing with a lot of these types of people though, the things they talk about never seem to come to fruition.
Some times I wonder why that happens. Now, of course there are times where things just don’t go as planned. That happens to everybody, but I also feel that that situation is somewhat uncommon. Most of the people that I know won’t post about a promotion, moving, or anything of that nature until it’s already done and they’re put in their place. The types of people I’m talking about are the ones who never have things go their way. The ones that have daily updates of, “I have this going on, and that going on”, then the next time they update you it’s, “Oh, that didn’t work out because of X”. We all know X is a lame excuse. Most of the time I think these people haven’t even started the process of what they intend to do, and that is the most mind boggling thing of all to me. That would be like me saying, “Hey guys, I’m going to be an Oscar award winning actor!”, even though I’ve never acted a day in my life. I would never make that statement and expect people to believe it. While that example is a little over the top, I do see people ask for a rallying cry to do things they haven’t even attempted to do.
Which brings me to my next point, stop asking for credit and pats on the back for things you haven’t done, or for doing every day things everybody does. These people kind of fall under the first category, but a little different. They’ll ask people to support them or cheer them on at the start of a project. It’s like they need their own personal cheerleaders to get them through their day. Trust me when I say that nobody wants to do that. Nobody wants to be your personal cheerleader. There may be people trying to do the same thing or something similar as you, who may want someone to go through it with, but nobody wants to just sit on the sidelines cheering you on. I’ve also noticed that these people normally can’t be bothered to offer supporting comments or words of encouragement to others. Maybe that’s why people aren’t so quick to rally behind you.
So, what’s the point of this other than to vent some? None really lol. But as I pointed out in my blog last week, I don’t think enough people take a look at and analyze themselves the same way they do others. So maybe this will help some people open their eyes, but I doubt it.
I think my last few blogs probably came off more preachy, so I figured I’d spend time on this one about myself. Mostly because I’m sure that I come across as some kind of know it all, but I’m just speaking from my own personal experience. I know that I’ve said before that I think our biggest problem when it comes to relating to each other is not ever trying to put ourselves in the other person’s shoes, but that’s because I used to never do that myself, but the way I treat people and the way people treat me has improved drastically since I started doing just that.
For me personally, I knew a big problem with that was remembering that a world outside of my own exists. With social media around, we have a way to connect with people with similar interests all over the world. In my opinion the problem with that is we then become more close minded to other peoples’ thoughts or ideas about something. I know I’m not the only one who sees this either. People will insult and talk down to their own friends just because they don’t agree with them on something, then always try to explain it off as the other person being stubborn. I know because I used to do that a lot. If people didn’t agree with me, I would say they were and idiot or didn’t know anything. Due to becoming older, and I like to think wiser, I just understand that maybe people have different life experiences from mine, and their opinion isn’t invalid, just another perspective that I don’t have.
Another hot topic for me is criticism. If you interact with me on social media, then you know that I have no problem calling people out for criticizing things that they know nothing about. That too comes from life experience lol. I used to think that I should comment my opinion on every hot news topic or current event. There are two reasons this is ridiculous:
- Nobody really cares what I think
- I don’t want anybody critiquing every single thing I do in my life
People will always ask what makes someone different. In this regard, I can fully admit to having been a shitty person at some point, and I think most people are ashamed to do that. I think a lot of people have been shitty to some degree, but I’ll be damned if a lot of people aren’t also comfortable with trying to throw other people under the bus with no thought to their own actions. Whenever people start questioning other peoples’ character I ask myself what I would do if I was the person being questioned. I know that I don’t want people holding mistakes I’ve made against me my whole life, which has also made it easier for me to forgive others, which feels good too.
I don’t write these things to come off as an expert in life. Far from it. Most people would say I’ve fucked up a lot, but that also is just about perspective. I think people that just go to college and get a job and work until retirement are wasting their lives, and I’m sure a lot of them think the same about me. It’s just a matter of perspective, and this blog is an opportunity for me to offer mine.
No, this isn’t going to be about how everybody is special, and can do anything they want. Instead it’s going to be about something I think a lot of us have forgotten, the fact that everybody is a person, and has their own perspectives, life experiences, and feelings. Trust me, I already know there are people saying, “well, duh”, but how often do you actually think about that?
Most people who read these will probably form the opinion that I hate social media. I would say that’s half right. I think it can be good and obviously bad. One thing that I think it’s made us forget about is our interpersonal connections with each other. It seems so easy to put your opinion out there in writing without a second thought to how other people might react. There also seems to be a common theme in the explanations from the people that I see do this regularly. It’s either their objective view, or they’re trying to help, or they just want to make a joke. Hey, maybe try not being an asshole? And what I mean when I say that is try putting yourself in the other person’s shoes for a minute. How would you feel if somebody came along and critiqued or made fun of something that was important to you? Now imagine if it was somebody who is supposed to be your friend. You’d probably start to not like that person, and start to build animosity towards them at some point.
Now this doesn’t just apply to personal situations. Obviously we’ve all seen the increase in “conversations” about social issues on social media. Personally, I hate it. I was always taught growing up that you don’t openly discuss religion and politics, but clearly I was in the minority. That being said, I have noticed a disturbing trend of people leaving very insensitive comments about things without any thought whatsoever to who they consider their friends. I know that I have a lot of friends with different life experiences. I also know there are some that I don’t know what all of those are. If someone I know is posting about a social issue, I normally assume it means something to them, so I’m not going to bash it out of RESPECT to my friend. It doesn’t matter if I agree with it or not, everybody is entitled to their own opinion, and I don’t feel the need to point out everything I don’t agree with.
I know some people get enjoyment out of “trolling” their friends, but that’s just another term for being an asshole. If you like getting under peoples’ skin, why don’t you try talking shit to their face? I’ve seen too many cowards who have no problem talking shit online, but try to be friendly and diplomatic when in person. In my opinion, the time for diplomacy is over. Don’t write a check with your mouth your ass can’t cash.